Not getting erections when you want them, losing an erection before you want to, or not getting hard enough to engage with the kind of sex you want to are all common experiences for people of many ages. They are commonly labelled as erectile dysfunction (ED) by people going through this; however, these experiences do not always meet the diagnosable criteria for ED, and treatment should always be tailored to the specifics of the individual. For example, does this occur only with sexual partners, all the time, only sometimes? It’s important information.

The biggest cause of prolonged vaginismus is fear. It can stem from a range of places, and getting to the heart of each individuals fear is often the best way to show self-compassion and gently ease into re-coding the meaning of sex, pleasure, and the vulvar-vagina region as a whole. Fear perpetuates. When pain and fear becomes expected in sex and triggers a range of protective responses in the body, then each sexual experience subsequently is more likely to result in pain. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.